Programs & Services > Violence Against Women > Myths
Women Abuse: Myths Versus Reality
The abuse of women has been shrouded in myth. All these myths have perpetuated the mistaken notion that the victim has precipitated her own assault. It is important to refute all myths surrounding abused women in order to understand why abuse happens, how it affects victims and how it can be stopped.
Abused women are found in all age groups, races, ethnic and religious groups, educational levels, and socioeconomic groups. Who are the abused women? If you are a woman, there is a 50% chance it could be you.
- There were approximately 25 female victims of spousal homicide each year in Ontario from 1975-2004. Estimates nationwide are much higher.
- Almost 40% of women assaulted by spouses said their children witnessed the violence against their mothers, and in many cases the violence was severe.
- 51% of women in Canada have experienced at least one incidence of physical/sexual violence since the age of 16. [Ontario Women’s Directorate, 2007]
Myths
- Myth 1: Alcohol or drug use causes people to become violent.
- Myth 2: Women who are in abusive relationships are there because they want to be there.
Sub-myths to support/ justify believing Myth 2:
a) Women are masochistic
b) Women enjoy being beaten/hit
c) Women are weak by nature - Myth 3: Women are just as violent as men
- Myth 4: Women ask for it. Also known as victim provocation
- Myth 5: Children do not know what is going on
- Myth 6: Abuse is a Lower Class Crime
Myth 1: Alcohol or drug use causes people to become violent.
- A substance cannot abuse you; only a person can.
- Alcohol or drug use may stop and yet the violence continue
- We often hear, “he’s only violent when he drinks”. Even authority figures have been known to believe this myth.
- Those who study the dynamics of abuse, however, say there is no valid research to indicate that alcoholism and/or drug abuse cause violence ***
- The association that links drinking with being violent is a myth
- Most men who are drinkers do not assault their partners violently
- When men who are drinkers DO assault their partners, however, it is more likely to cause injury
- If a man is a drinker, it is likely he will be abusive in many other ways—e.g. financially [alcohol is expensive], emotionally [they are only thinking about themselves, not you], psychologically [mind games are fun and help defer responsibility], verbally [blaming the drinking on a partner and/or accusations about infidelity are common and also defer responsibility ]
- A majority (some say 76 percent) of physically abusive incidents occur in the absence of alcohol use. According to the Women's Rural Advocacy Program, no evidence supports a cause-and-effect relationship between alcohol and abuse—the relatively high incidence of alcohol abuse among men who use violence must be viewed as the overlap of two separate social problems.
BEWARE—Men who assault women often use drinking/drugs*** as one of many excuses for their violence and as a way to place the responsibility elsewhere. Stopping the abusers' addiction will not stop the violence. Alcohol does not and cannot make a man abuse a woman, but it is frequently used as an excuse. Many men drink and do not abuse anyone as a result. On the other hand many men abuse women when they are sober. It can be easier for some men and for some women to believe that the violence would not have happened if a drink had not been taken. It's part of the denial process. Alcoholism and battering do share some similar characteristics -- both may be passed from generation to generation, both involve denial or minimization of the problem; both involve isolation of the family.
- Physical abuse and substance abuse need to be addressed separately, as overlapping yet independent problems.
- When alcohol is involved, women may find themselves taking a drink to cope with the abuse. However, please note that a victim’s intoxication may impede legal processes if police are called to the home.
*** NOTE: different drugs [including prescribed medications] have varying effects on different people. Some substances ARE known to have effects that under specific circumstances can lead to violent behaviour . . . e.g. The negative effects of methamphetamine can be extreme and alarming, including paranoid delusions, hallucinations, aggressive behaviour and impulsive violence. Taking high doses of cocaine for a long time can lead to panic attacks, psychotic symptoms, such as paranoia (feeling overly suspicious, jealous, or persecuted), hallucinations (seeing, hearing, smelling, etc., things that aren't real) and delusions (false beliefs) or erratic, bizarre and sometimes violent behaviour. In addition, people addicted may commit violence to get money to feed their addiction [a conscious choice].
References:
About.com: Alcoholism
www.sedgewickcounty.org-Domestic
Myth 2: Women who are in abusive relationships are there because they want to be there.
Sub-myths to support/ justify believing Myth 2:
- Women are masochistic
- Women enjoy being beaten/hit
- Women are weak by nature
- Fact: No one wants to be beaten or abused in any way [see types of abuse]
- This myth upholds an abuser’s right to have control over women and therefore over an entire family.
- Women victims often make repeated attempts to leave violent relationships but are prevented from doing so by increased violence and threats along with control tactics on the part of the abuser as well as a myriad of factors inhibiting their independence [see below].
- Factors which inhibit a victim's ability to leave include:
- fear of further violence increased by partner’s jealousy or possessiveness
- economic dependence
- few viable options for housing and support
- unhelpful responses from the criminal justice system
- unhelpful responses from social service agencies
- unhelpful responses from one’s own family members [example `you made your bed so lie in it’]
- social isolation
- sense of helplessness [may be compounded by low self esteem]
- depression [often accompanies sense of helplessness]
- cultural or religious constraints
- a commitment to the abuser and the relationship
- and always . . . fear of further violence
- In addition, if women are caring for children, it becomes increasingly more difficult with each additional inhibiting factor, a situation well appreciated by most abusers.
- It has been estimated that the danger to a victim increases by 70% when she attempts to leave, as the abuser often escalates his use of violence when he senses he is losing control.
Myth 3: Women are just as violent as men
- Research in Scotland has found that wife assault constitutes the largest proportion of family violence, almost 76%, as opposed to 1.1% for husband assault.
- Furthermore, more than 93% of charges related to spousal assault in Ontario, Canada are laid against men.
- Most charges laid against women are counter-charges laid by an abusive partner or stem from acts of self-defense. [Ontario]
- Fact: Women rarely have the upper hand physically.
- Many times women are reported to `throw the first punch’. Knowing that their abuser is about to beat them, women may do this to ensure that their abuser does not get away with hurting them once again without consequence.
See Springtide resources: http://www.springtideresources.org
Myth 4: Women ask for it. Also known as victim provocation
- Victim provocation is no more common in domestic violence than in any other crime yet it is used extensively to explain the violence of men towards women they claim to love and cherish
- Example: Would you suggest that a victim of mugging `asked’ the mugger to take his briefcase [?] Or her purse? What would happen in a court of law if the mugger used provocation as a defense? `
Fact: some believe that the woman provokes, torments or nags to the point that the abuser loses self control and this attitude blames the victim and not the abuser for a reprehensible act, one for which the offender must take responsibility. No one asks to be beaten [Manitoba Family Services, Abuse Myths and Facts, 1996]
Myth 5: Children do not know what is going on
- Children who are exposed to violence may grow up believing abuse is part of a normal relationship. As they learn what they live, many may grow up to be abusers or abuse victims themselves.
- Research shows that regardless of whether children are in the room where abuse is occurring, they are aware that something is happening that hurts their parent and they are consistently frightened by the lack of security this involves
- Many parents believe that children are unaware of the situation occurring in the home—perhaps because they were `sleeping’ at the time. This may be a way to avoid seeing the damage that is being done. Whether children appear to be aware or not, abuse and violence occurring in their home environment does not leave them unscathed. In fact, some studies indicate that child adjustment problems may relate more to exposure to domestic abuse than to separation/divorce of parents or loss of one parent.
- In addition, children exposed to violence in the home are at increased risk for being assaulted directly and developing adjustment problems such as:
- Blaming themselves for their parents problems and the violence
- difficulties sleeping
- nightmares
- bed wetting
- insomnia
- difficulty concentrating
- changes in eating patterns
- headaches and stomach aches
- acting out at school
Myth 6: Abuse is a Lower Class Crime
Abuse cuts across all socio-economic, educational, racial, cultural, religious, disability and sexual orientation lines. If women are at a disadvantage due to any of these factors, it makes it more difficult for them to admit to abuse and leave an abusive relationship.
- no woman wants to believe the person she loves is an abuser
- no woman wants to believe that she is a victim
- society is more inclined to see women in the so-called `disadvantaged classes’ as deserving of abuse; therefore women in these situations may be more likely to believe society’s myths about abuse and see themselves as provoking abuse
All myths must be challenged in order for victims to believe in their right to a life free of abuse.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
